“Falling in love”

“Falling in love”

By James Anthony Curtis

There are many romanticisms in our culture that signify the feeling of “falling in love” with someone. We see it in the holidays, or movies, and in the commercialism of products at the store, and we hear of it on the radio, read about it in books, magazines, and while watching TV. And from an early age we are inducted into the tantalization of meeting that person, or finding the perfect romantic place, and special circumstance, where the stars align coming together for the introduction of our soul mate – the one who will meet every desire, fulfilling our most intimate dreams, and finally we will be complete. Ironically, this is not far from the truth of why we are here. If you are one of those who desires deep connection, looks around every corner for a possible match to your being, and feels in your bones that “person is out there,” there is hope for you.

Our body reveals an amazing amount of information about who we are, the journey we are on, and what life has to offer us. And although we’ve been prodded for years this way or that into various forms of romantic ideas by our culture or otherwise, those messengers of cupid were only a part of a larger picture moving on behalf of our being. The body, our emotions, even the obsessive thoughts we may have at times, are working in coordination with the universe, revealing the innermost desires of our heart as we proceed through life. In a way, we’ve kind of been set up really, because everything we have experienced – even in the romanticism of love, has been to gear us up for the shift in enabling us to receive love on a much deeper level than we ever could have imagined.

So before some of you burst, let us ease your being by first saying, “yes, soulmates exist,” and “yes, the relationship you’ve desired is out there.” Now let me contradict myself and share that, what we are seeking we will never find “out there,” as long as our focus remains in fulfilling our desires through outer circumstances aligning for us. Just as we have in a sense been “set up” by forces beyond our understanding at certain moments we have experienced in our life path, those same “forces” are at work in us to align those places that understand our desire of love. If we are to view ourselves standing inside a great ‘mirrored’ water droplet, the things we see are the reflections of our self upon its walls. Yes, we still interact, and form relationships with others, but how we view ourselves and them is based in our reflection of self. And as we learn to love ourselves in the way we desire our relationships to manifest, the reflection shifts both for ourselves and those we interact with. The “one” we desire has been waiting for us just as much we have been waiting for them, and as we are ready, the parts that are in need come forth to be revealed by the light of the universe for our alignment.

It’s incredibly easy to focus on the outer world, and our relationship to it in attempts to arrange circumstances for our benefit, but if we allow ourselves to observe, feel, and acknowledge what we view in our journey as a learning curve of the relationship with ourselves, we find the universe more willing to cooperate with us as we adjust our focus. “Falling in love,” then becomes an intimate experience of coming to know who we are, our desires, and how we may fulfill them. We may find parts emerging within us that may have been dormant for years, or some we have never known, but desire to give us their gifts. And if we fall deep enough, we discover our voice, we openly share our heart, and we find the one we have in times past sought with such fervor, has been seeking us, and we are never alone.

May it be so, so it is.

“Blaming”

“Blame”

By James Anthony Curtis

When we feel uncomfortable, awkward, or ill inside, it’s easy to assign our feelings to outer circumstances that challenge our sense of peace. Our mind will attempt to resolve feelings with the usual conversations we hear ourselves saying such as, “if only they were like this, then I would be happy” or, “it’s their fault I feel this way.” These are common repeating themes we have heard from ourselves and others when we are in blaming conditions for how we feel. In my own experience I’ve gone so far as to blame the weather, gas prices, who is president, and even ‘God’ for what I am feeling. And to add to the matter is our attempts at altering our outer circumstances spending much of our entire lives trying to rearrange our environments, relationships, jobs, homes, and pets to just how we want them, in hopes that this would somehow satisfy the life we are living, giving us ease in the world that often leaves us filled with ‘wanting.’

Anytime we blame though, our heart feels what is being said, from the finger pointing to the “if onlys” in our attempts at rearranging life as we would have it. This creates a dynamic of unworthiness in our vibrational field, and the heart continues to build walls in order to do its best for protecting itself. Most of us have carried this vibrational thread from lifetime to lifetime until we were ready to address the pain that arises from its frequency. The repeating habitual patterns that exist in us, or karma, often are viewed as plagues that we have somehow ‘earned,’ and we must either be “good enough” to shift them, or we deserve what we have received based on our behaviors in this or a previous lifetime. This is a deeper level of blame in that we have shifted our perspective from outer circumstances to blaming ourselves directly for what we are feeling. This may take us into intense depression or anxiety, much of which exists today in the current mental health field. The resulting trauma of “blame” extends to every corner of humanity, locking us into a cycle of oppression that will not be broken by conventional means. This is where we trust in the saving grace of our greater self along the evolutionary path, as we become aware in our awakening.

Although we may find ourselves in the mire of our feelings asking what we may do to receive help or support to shift our position for the better, the key to easing our pain in the evolutionary process is by the allowing of love to come to the forefront of our practice. When thoughts or feelings plague us, and we find ourselves going further into blame, we don’t fight what we think or feel, but grant ourselves permission think or feel while we embrace the heart in a loving manner. A simple yet very effective practice we this is to place the hand upon the heart, and talk to the heart saying, “even though I feel blame, I want you to know that I will not abandon, or reject you, I am here for you, and I love you.” What arises as we do this is necessary for us to feel for our healing, as we have created a safe channel for cellular debris to travel. We are no longer withholding what we think or feel, but through loving the heart we have given our karma the opportunity to be acknowledged, in essence clearing repeating patterns through the love we offer shifting our vibrational fields.

Today, as we are ready, may we grant ourselves the necessary space for our healing, acknowledging the truths that arise, giving attention to those parts that are being revealed in each awakening, both in thought and feeling that are desiring resolution. May we maintain the simple practice of holding the heart, as we feel all that is arising for our wellbeing, as we love the one that is asking to be loved, for the benefit of all beings.

May it be so, so it is.

“The value in our ache”

“The value in our ache”

By James Anthony Curtis

It’s 5:59 in the morning, flashes of light streak across the bedroom window, as rain begins to fall gently on the trees outside. It’s still warm enough in early October to keep the window open, fresh air wafting in natures breath, and in the distance, thunder rolls somewhere in the far hills, moving closer, the morning approaching but not here yet. Now and then a crackling lightning can barely be heard, static building, reminding me of places within, feelings from long ago.

Memories come, water welling up in the corner of my eye, of various precious moments, gone now, ironically as I blink, the tear rolls down across my face.

In years past, there was an old thread of doubt, a sad story that would come upon me, moving me in this theater of remembrance, more of a captor to some sad story. But this morning I Am moved with awe in these places, viewing each haunting, with thankfulness in the heart of compassion. I’m beginning to realize the depth of loss, the fulfillment in its gifts, where joy and sorrow meet, with each utterance of branding grace, and what makes this experience so special, is not the intensity, or the surround of its venue, but the high place from which I sit, looking upon its rarity.

Abandonment, rejection, poverty, and aloneness, are but messengers of greater friendship, the connection to our future self, observing the rules we have laid down, for our liberation of life’s treasure. It wont make sense, its not supposed to; just as the fiddle player moves in rhythm to bandy dance, our ancestors come forth from another time, bringing their melody, through the strings of well played paths. The mind will never figure it out, and will struggle to understand, but this way is for those few, who dying to live, gasp their final grasp, releasing to the nether.

Like monks in some forgotten monastery, we chant our koan in anticipation of letting go, only to come into the fullness of embracing. Prophets will affirm, with each listening as we draw closer, to the one we honor, hold, and acknowledge, when ready we will move forward; finding no solace in our temporary condition, upon this road all things meet, and will converge in harmonic oscillation, until we see the truth of it, played out as one line infinite in form. Yes there is joy in sorrow, blood in the deepest hue of blue sky, if we give way to our eternal life, awakening to point Reyes, in the midst of waves crashing upon our shoals.

So the rains drizzle this morning, reminding me of old, each memory has a place, a divine insight, some just to be expressed. Mother, father, sister, brother, the depressed, yet loved me with such passion, until in a blink regressed. But I know who they are, what they wanted me to see, so in each affliction, rests sweet melody, its not a time for mourning, unless it is, lets begin, with what we digest. For the benefit of all, loss comes, may it be so, so it is, for in our reign, nothing does not exist.

‘For you, dear heart’

‘For you, dear heart’

By James Anthony Curtis

Many times we will focus outwardly, making our life path about those around us, the circumstances, even our physical health, which tends to become an issue for our preponderance as we look for the healing we need, but in the feelings of each of these resides the very relationship we ache for in our deep longing.

As a healer, I’m coming to know those parts most intimately, foremost in my own healing, and now daily with others who are in process. After attending a healers retreat recently, its becoming more and more apparent, that through the transmission of loving insights, sometimes difficult to hear, that the painful indications are of our divine coming forth. I’m learning to challenge myself with the light that shines, shorten my verbiage, and direct the focus as revealed by intuition.

I’m beginning to understand the great responsibility that rests with healer, and the fallacy of the ‘Hippocratic Oath’ if we are to awaken. For indeed, it is with sword, or scalpel, that the tender hand rests in compassion, revealing those parts surfacing for healing. The feelings triggered within us, are but the higher self in process, which is infinite in being, often leaving us with a feeling loneliness, because of the vastness of who we are that is emerging.

When we are in the deep, and the dark covers our understanding, of how, why, we give ourselves over to the uncertainty, each need to feel, lament, howl in pain, as each part comes forth to express desires which have been concealed.

Failure will appear, dawning its mask, as an indication that we have come here to heal that which is rooted in success.

‘Doubt’ will circle us, hungrily seething, as if to pounce when we are at our weakest, yet, in truth, only here to open that which desires faith.

And we will grasp, because grasping builds the perfect cocoon for metamorphosis, but as each thing slips away, we go inward into our transformation that awaits us.

At some point we stop letting go, and start embracing with love.

We feel the failure, but love the heart.
We feel the pressing to escape, but abide with compassion.
We cringe at our truths, but acknowledge them with innocence.
We ache at each loss, only to thank the universe for the room it is making.

In our shift, we realize success and failure are an illusion, they are only here as a part of our journey to trigger those things that are in need of our love.

And as right and wrong fall away, we realize we have come to know them as helpful constructs of the ego, revealing a bigger picture, another dimension of existence, eternal, where everything is here for our benefit, to help us learn who we are, and the love we have come to offer, in our receiving.

May we be fully emerged in our journey, as we are ready to receive, may it be so, so it is.

“Healing the abused”

“Healing the abused”

By James Anthony Curtis

This morning I watched a video that came up in my news feed of a dog that had been abused, now shown compassion for the first time. The animal was a little older than puppy age, maybe about a year or two, and as he was gently caressed cried out in pain. The strokes were unfamiliar to him, the tender hand, and as the caregiver moved with slow movements, the dog cowered in a corner, peeing itself, tail between its legs, as if it was being beaten, continuing to wail as he was touched.

After some time, the agonizing cries became whimpers, as the worker gently continued while talking softly, looking into the dog’s eyes. The dog began to settle slightly, and you could see an apparent shift in that the canine realized it was not being abused, but still felt the strokes upon its body with some revulsion, very difficult to receive.

Time-lapse showed the dog in a few weeks, still a little skittish, but now playing with other puppies, its tail still cowering but no longer hunched fearful in the corner. Another lapse showed the same dog now playing with the caregiver, running, licking, tail wagging, living liberated of much of the abuse it had previously experienced. I thought to myself, “this is very much like my own healing, and that of many others.”

While we may not come from abusive homes, or if we do, the inward neglect we learn can be just as abusive if we have deep wounds that are in need of care.

Having been through the healing process, working with past trauma, loss, grief, and abandonment, I know firsthand how foreign ‘love’ can feel, the uncomfortable touch of tenderness, which can be very painful to receive. Healing can be one of the ugliest experiences we go through, it can feel awful, tormenting even, and we will do everything in our power to cower away to some corner in fear. But as we allow gentleness, the tender hand to enter into our lives, the kind words, although they may feel uncomfortable, unbearable at times, we too will experience a shift.

The love we are willing to grant passage, will not fail us, though we will feel the pain of our past circumstances surfacing to be felt as we are loved.

We will doubt, resist, even fight in receiving the tender care, but the pain we have inside us longs to be released, healed, and the universe responds when we are ready.

In working with others, the most common space I experience as a healer is, the identifying agents that come forth disguised in outer circumstances, only to reveal themselves as love on a greater mission.

If we are brave enough to feel, while holding the heart in tender compassion, we open ourselves to the shift that aches to unfold for us.

We are the chosen who have ears to hear, eyes to see, and time to come forth. We are beautiful, blessed, children of the most high. May it be so, so it is.

(The video below may be very difficult to watch, please be advised)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiOf2HZmLfY

“Heal when ready”

 

“Heal when ready”

I acknowledge your confusion, the pain you are describing in trying to sort out what you see, and are experiencing. Although you may feel very uncomfortable, intolerable even to the emotions at times, it sounds very normal in all interactions of what you are describing.

The thing is, in attempting to understand it, we tend to fill in the blanks with ideas, doubts, guesses, as to what is happening, rather than seeking real resolve through allowing, observing, and the acknowledging of what is coming forth to be felt.

We are energetic beings, and have a nervous system that can become easily overwhelmed by our triggered emotions, and whether it is real, or imagined in the mind, the circumstances that arise are a part of us getting to know ourselves, to love those parts in need in the depths that surface.

A suggestion would be to look beyond the characters, words, and scripts of the people involved, and move into the emotions of each energy.

Like, how do you feel with this confrontation? What arises in your body when this circumstance happens? Where does it arise? Is there truth in what is being triggered, what is that truth? Observe the truth without judgement if you can, but if it is judged, hold space for the heart saying, “I will not abandon you, no matter what I feel, think, or see.”

We are ‘sensitive’ beings, and can pick up far more than we realize, but sometimes this overwhelms us, leaving our clarity anything but clear. We need space to feel, being with our emotions, and allowing our infinite selves to comfort through simple abiding.

Our species has a habit of looking for answers, when we don’t even know the questions we are asking, nor the one asking.

Spend some time with you, trying not to judge what you feel, just feel, listen, breath.

Many blessings, much love, gratitude for the healing path you are on, the healer that you already are.

“Stillness in the Waves”

“Stillness in the Waves”

By James Anthony Curtis

Emotional turbulence can provide fertile ground for our attention to be drawn inward to the places in need. As we allow space for the times when we are confused, grasping, and trying to bring forth some resolution to the upheaval we feel, we will ground as we are mindful of the feelings rather than the thoughts.

Giving ourselves the room we desire coming forth in our strong emotions, the strong emotions themselves become our vehicle for transformation. With each sensation, every wave we feel, as we hold the heart with loving compassion our energy field clears, shifts, and emerges in clarity. Even though some circumstances trigger distress, the distress itself becomes our healing conduit for love to give the attention it is asking for.

Our emotions reveal a great deal of information about our vibrational field, those strings of energy, habitual patterns, that linger under the surface of all that we do and say.

Learning to abide lovingly with those “waves in stillness,” provides our body the opportunity to experience the healing space needed to clear the stored vibrational patterns in our cells. As we move deeper into the underlayment of our energies, by listening deeply to the emotions that are arising to be felt, we begin to realize previously undiscovered parts of our being coming forth to be expressed.

We may not understand our circumstances, why they have arisen, what exactly our needs are, but holding the heart as we experience the energies that surface is the most important action we can give when the waves of emotion increase in intensity.

With each moment comes a blend in opportunity to emerge ourselves into our experiences. Our gain comes through the self-realization of all that is happening is happening for the sake of love, even in the most erroneous of circumstances.

May we be blessed, may we be beautiful in our sufferings, may we be brave in all that we have come to heal.

May it be so, so it is.?

“Is it worth it?”

“Is it worth it?”

By James Anthony Curtis

Yes, it is well worth it, either route, holding the heart in loving compassion, or not, both paths lead us home, but the one does so only in preparation of the other.

Awareness of our judgements does not shift our vibration, we are only aware of our judgements. The same habitual patterns stay unaltered in us at a cellular level.

“Boredom,” is only a surface emotion, underneath is so much more in emotional debris.

When we embrace the practice of sitting with what we feel, observing how we think, the patterns, this is apart of the process that leads us back home, to self-realization, the true nature of who we already are, but in my work as a healer, I’ve not only earlier in my own life experienced the stagnation, boredom, and anger, I knew no way out at the time, and as a result stayed in the mud for years, possibly lifetimes.

Much of our spiritual community remains trapped somewhere in the muck waiting, suffering, hoping to blossom at some point, asking, “is it worth it?”

I’ve been through incredible pain, suffering, and loss, only to be left with the practice, wondering those same things, until a few years back.

For me, those moments had to increase to the point and depth where I was ready, precisely, perfectly, to hear further, deeper than I’ve heard before.

That’s why the practices, the “boredom,” are so important, because they allow us the necessary cultivation time, just as everything we do does, to build our cocoon until we are ready to acknowledge the one coming forth.

ALL that we experience, do, feel, or think, is apart of the process.

When ready, we receive the choice of holding the heart, this is the choice that will change our lives, and even though we may take lifetimes to prepare, it does not mean that once we choose it we are pain free.

The difference is, we don’t abandon love with what we are feeling, the boredom as you shared, the habits, judgements, all that you observe, you observe while telling your heart, holding your heart, saying, “I will not abandon you, even though I feel all that I feel, think what I think, I am here loving you, holding you, with tender compassion.”

It sounds easy, but doing this while feeling extreme emotions, or emotional debris (habitual patterns), is incredibly painful, overwhelming, and can be isolating as you mentioned if proceeding in following your truths wherever they may lead.

My own experience was a year of almost total isolation, grieving, sometimes so hard my ribs were breaking.

But to go there without love, means we are not there, but building up to there, on the path, but not emerging. Asking to come forth, but not ready to receive what that means.

As I said, the three questions I posed yesterday, were for those ready to hear, receive this choice, emerge when and only ready to embrace who and what we are.

You sound/feel ready, relief is coming dear heart.

Much love, gratitude, blessings for you.

“May you be healed”

“May you be healed”

By James Anthony Curtis

I acknowledge your pain, the frustration, ache and deep feelings arising within you.

Much of what we feel tells us a great deal of information about ourselves, but unfortunately many of us have been lost not for a lack of trying, but it wasn’t time for us to receive what we already know.

The body, our emotions, and the “reflections” that come to us, arise from within us, are very accurate, perfect for what we need in our journey.

Sometimes we need twenty years to receive certain blessings, healings, insights about ourselves, that long to be heard, the challenge is always when we are “ready,” to love those deep places, give them the attention they need to reveal parts that have come forward to be acknowledged.

Whenever someone, something, anything, somehow plagues us in what we feel, it is a manifestation for deeper truths surfacing from within us to be seen and felt.

The key is always the heart, going into those feelings while maintaining love for the heart as we do. Our mind will do its best to try to figure things out, if so, let it be so until exhausted, then feel, all while holding the heart in love.

This process can be incredibly painful, because much of what surfaces are emotional debris attempting to be cleared in order that we may be healed.

Many times the person or event that triggered them was simply the trigger, and we will focus so much on the messenger as the cause, we will miss the healing coming forth to be felt.

We are beautiful creations, light bearers, anchors of peace, as we learn what and who we are, and how to embrace the love incarnate in earthen vessels.

We have come to heal, express, and move the waters of humanity, and some of our greatest gifts are sealed in very dark, painful jars.

As we learn to open the seals, abide with the pain, be with our afflictions, all while holding the heart in love, we come to know the one we have been waiting for, the love we already are, coming forth to benefit all beings.

May you be blessed, may it be so, so it is.

“Granting ourselves permission”

“Granting ourselves permission”

By James Anthony Curtis

So often we will not allow ourselves to think, dream, and explore, how we truly feel. We use tactics such as sarcasm, blame, and ignorance, to induce judgements which provide us with the necessary shame to turn on ourselves in fear.

Seeing through this veil can be difficult, if not impossible, when we are caught in the throws of our ridicule, but as we move closer to exhaustion, we become more pliable to surrender.

Our “plagues” work for us, opening rusted doors, allowing fresh air to break upon cold seals, even the deterioration itself is an ally in disguise, as once impassible barriers begin to crumble under the weight of time.

As we go deeper into our pain, we find the witness of our resolve, waiting, waiting for our readiness to be in the depths of the darkness, simply abiding without judgement.

We “grant ourselves permission,” to go into the difficult emotions, further in love, exploring the caverns of our desires, while holding the heart with all tenderness in each deep breath as we do so.

These are the moments of infinity, when eternal places come forth to be acknowledged, long forgotten wounds, parts, that as they emerge we find deeper reason in our desires.

We set aside transgression, leaving room for innocence, as we sit with the heart in all that we are feeling, allowing passage for ourselves down ancient halls.

This is a practice of “deep abiding,” where if we allow ourselves to take part, that which we take part in, begins to take part in us, relieving the ghosts that haunt us in our desires.

As we feel all that is arising for our acknowledgment, we find a greater sense of self emerging through the holding of our heart in love, feeling safe and not abandoned.

When we are ready, may we “grant ourselves permission,” that the one we have been waiting for may come forth, the love that we already are, for the benefit of all beings.

May it be so, so it is.