By James Anthony Curtis
Rain continues this day, as I listen to the drip, drip, drip upon the gutters, grey skies holding true to their foretelling of the mood. It always amazes me how nature can be a perfect reflection of those parts within me on any given day, and when the shift comes, synchronized walls fall as the clouds move to produce the brightness of the sun. But the shift isn’t the goal, more of a byproduct of loves intrepid work in revealing the depths in deep need, each darkness claiming stake for the next round of feeling.
Some days as ironic as it sounds, I just don’t feel like feeling.
SO I wake up, go about my day, as the universe patiently waits for my readiness. Days may bleed into weeks, but not so much anymore, as once quickened, life has a way to coax us back into our attentiveness. I’m learning not to push, to prod myself or others in our chosen life path, but rather to simply allow me to flow as the person Ive come to experience this journey in.
As a healer, I’m very familiar with those coming to me for answers, but answers are different than healing. Healing can manifest in a variety of ways, but Ive never seen it arrive solely as an ‘answer.’ Mostly, healing comes as that pesky neighbor knocking at some odd hour at the back door, or the painful newscast we wince at in passing – wishing the world was a safer place. Deep healing arises almost unnoticed, maybe a forgotten dream in the night, or some ache upon waking for the day, possibly a co-worker saying the same annoying thing, complaining in our ear. These ‘feelings,’ left unattended, begin to work their festering magic, seeping underneath, into the cracks of our soul, until that day comes when we don’t ‘feel’ like going to work, we call off, crawling back into our bed.
And when ready, when there has been enough space created, we begin to examine ourselves, asking those difficult questions, maybe allowing difficult feelings.
The distance we feel, is nothing more than the space we have genuinely created, for love to close the gap between us and us. Oppression, heart-ache, sickness, and death, all reveal this great distance, the one inside that we miss, our infinite selves. But if we allow our demons to work for us, those parts that feel plagued, our eyes will come to know the truth of loves revealing, of each costumed scary character that has come forth, only as an aid to our most desired healing.
Sometimes the most potent feelings are the ones that arise out of our need to be seen, to know that we are not alone, that even in dire circumstances, all is unfolding for our benefit.
So we listen to the rain, feel the grey, hear the wind upon the trees, and allow as we allow, as we are ready to receive. We flow with the river of our true nature, granting passage for life to move as it chooses, welcoming both our resistance, and each embrace, with all the love we wish to be given, as no one else can, as we tenderly, sometimes painfully, hold the heart in all that we feel.
May it be so, so it is. ????