To the ‘One’ whistling in the dark

To the ‘One’ whistling in the dark

By James Anthony Curtis

It’s hard to accept the arrangement of some fears, they strike with such precision, and depth, it feels as though our heart will stop. “Not being good enough,” along with the torment of “unworthiness, abandonment, and rejection,” can often leave us feeling bruised, bullied, alone…cowering in some dark corner.

But as we learn about bullies, we find that most of their lives they themselves have been bullied, and receiving little to no acknowledgement, only desiring to be heard, seen, shown the attention they lacked, come knocking at our door. Frequently they arrive with expressions of anger, hatred, and accusations of the ground we stand on, taunting us until we fold inward, sinking deeper into depression.

Some days “the fear of not being good enough” lashes out with such ferocity, that it seems as though the whole world has joined with them as a gang of torment, to all of which we feel overwhelmed, bottoming out, and with no room left to recoil, we turn towards our demons. As we face our captors, we willingly succumb, opening the door, inviting the end to be near, showing them in for as long as they wish to stay, abiding with them in the innocence of our heart.

“Come in,” we say, “I will not abandon me, nor resist you,” and feeling their presence, the deep ache, the pain gripping at our soul, they are heard.

Soon, many more of their friends arrive, ‘self-pity, poverty, cruelty, and ugliness,’ a hard looking bunch, from many years of living on the fringe of existence. They lounge wherever they please, mostly choosing to sprawl across the heart as it opens to receive them. But as they do, we do the opposite of our earthly nature, divining a way less seen, and we continue to sit, holding our heart in the midst of their chattering. Tears gently fall upon the cheeks, gravity guiding them down well-worn paths, as the ruin of our guests touches us.

‘Abandonment, rejection, and unworthiness’ complete the crowd now gathered, a full house, yet still we hold true to love, the practice of being with strong energy, and holding the heart, as each of them comes forth to be felt, listened to, seen as no one else can.

Breath by breath, we feel intimately those that are here for acknowledgement, that healing may occur as needed, with each truth of our pain.

We continue by setting aside judgements and opinions about the circumstances of each arising, simply feeling, allowing passage for cellular debris to manifest, releasing as they will; just as a sliver works its way out of the body, so to the creation serves love even in the most difficult of circumstances.

Gently bowing, each of one of our guests depart, moving on as we stand in truth, holding space for them, while loving the heart, tenderly, as gently as we can.

The sun comes forth, shining, broadening our inner chambers, and the room feels lighter, the breath easier, our healing process deeper.

The room is now empty, but somehow we fill more of it, larger, for as we have come know those parts, so to we have come to know ourselves, the one coming forth, the love that we are, for the benefit of all beings.

May it be so, and so it is.????

– From my next book: “Honoring the One Coming Forth”

‘The brittleness of cold’

‘The brittleness of cold’

By James Anthony Curtis

As the seasons shift, and the leaves release their colors in recognition of the fall, I feel the cold reaching into my bones, searching me out in the deep of the marrow. The wind is howling outside, as it blows upon the branches, tempting the trees with foretelling of winter, and the long dark that is coming in the cycle of life’s matter. I have to remind myself, that this is natural, a part of the journey we have contracted, and that all is well, even when uncomfortable feelings grip my soul.

Although trepidation may visit the weary traveler, it is in these times that we may offer the hospitality of our heart to those places that seek to be heard in us. Fear and agitation are only guests in our house, come to reveal those parts seeking faith in the ground of uncertainty, and if we allow ourselves to abide in the discomfort of our relations with strong energy, going inward as the mighty trees do each winter, we find solace in the space of reflection, grasping not upon the sands of shifting circumstances, but holding firm in the form of our divine unfolding.

With the cold comes a natural contraction, a seeming ‘revulsion’ to the outer world, but inward, we know of something different taking place. In times past, we would come together around the fire, tell stories in the shelters we had constructed, paint upon the walls, and commune with our ancestors around the fire of mortality’s privilege. And although it may seem we have lost this connection, the universe beckons us to travel deeper into the cave of our mystery, down sacred hallways, further than we have gone before in our species.

We will find loss, but only in the derision of our unbelief; for each fate is a necessity in our evolution, in coming to realize those places within us that have come forward to be expressed.

Our lineage will not abandon us, both in future realms and those we may have forgotten from long ago, for we are all pilgrims here, spontaneously embracing our rhythms, called out by our desires. So let us gather together, just as in days of old, tell our stories in the deep of cold’s brittleness, as we warm ourselves by the fire. And may we view the pictures we have painted, come to life upon the walls, seeing our depths emerge, serving us, as what we have chosen, in love’s universe, by design.

May it be so, so it is.

“The value in our ache”

“The value in our ache”

By James Anthony Curtis

It’s 5:59 in the morning, flashes of light streak across the bedroom window, as rain begins to fall gently on the trees outside. It’s still warm enough in early October to keep the window open, fresh air wafting in natures breath, and in the distance, thunder rolls somewhere in the far hills, moving closer, the morning approaching but not here yet. Now and then a crackling lightning can barely be heard, static building, reminding me of places within, feelings from long ago.

Memories come, water welling up in the corner of my eye, of various precious moments, gone now, ironically as I blink, the tear rolls down across my face.

In years past, there was an old thread of doubt, a sad story that would come upon me, moving me in this theater of remembrance, more of a captor to some sad story. But this morning I Am moved with awe in these places, viewing each haunting, with thankfulness in the heart of compassion. I’m beginning to realize the depth of loss, the fulfillment in its gifts, where joy and sorrow meet, with each utterance of branding grace, and what makes this experience so special, is not the intensity, or the surround of its venue, but the high place from which I sit, looking upon its rarity.

Abandonment, rejection, poverty, and aloneness, are but messengers of greater friendship, the connection to our future self, observing the rules we have laid down, for our liberation of life’s treasure. It wont make sense, its not supposed to; just as the fiddle player moves in rhythm to bandy dance, our ancestors come forth from another time, bringing their melody, through the strings of well played paths. The mind will never figure it out, and will struggle to understand, but this way is for those few, who dying to live, gasp their final grasp, releasing to the nether.

Like monks in some forgotten monastery, we chant our koan in anticipation of letting go, only to come into the fullness of embracing. Prophets will affirm, with each listening as we draw closer, to the one we honor, hold, and acknowledge, when ready we will move forward; finding no solace in our temporary condition, upon this road all things meet, and will converge in harmonic oscillation, until we see the truth of it, played out as one line infinite in form. Yes there is joy in sorrow, blood in the deepest hue of blue sky, if we give way to our eternal life, awakening to point Reyes, in the midst of waves crashing upon our shoals.

So the rains drizzle this morning, reminding me of old, each memory has a place, a divine insight, some just to be expressed. Mother, father, sister, brother, the depressed, yet loved me with such passion, until in a blink regressed. But I know who they are, what they wanted me to see, so in each affliction, rests sweet melody, its not a time for mourning, unless it is, lets begin, with what we digest. For the benefit of all, loss comes, may it be so, so it is, for in our reign, nothing does not exist.

‘The sword of truth’

‘The sword of truth’

By James Anthony Curtis

Pain is the great revealer, coming forward to present itself in the most uncomfortable of circumstances, bringing forth once darkened parts to gain our attention. Even though it may seem simple enough, like when we burn our hand on a hot surface, or close our eyes wincing to the brightness of the noon day sun, underneath the surface of our sense experience, flows an intricate often enormous amount of wealth in transformation. This ‘wealth’ frequently goes untapped, for fear of what we might find, in the voice of the deep, calling out with pain as its advocate.

Often we turn aside, look the other way, ‘blame’ becoming a watchword for outer circumstances, and in our ignorance, humanity suffers, as we recoil in the sensitivity of each truth which lights upon the heart. But as all things work in an inclusive universe, if we turn away, our movement only draws us closer to that which exists in us, the hidden desires which hold dear our most precious treasures.

What an interesting discovery, that ‘truth’ walks hand in hand with our most painful of life paths, not only as pains’ confidant, but as its closest supporter, and friend. If only John Bunyan had written the mystics path, unfettered from religious dogma, what would he have said from the darkness in his prison cell?

So we move as we feel moved, some of us awaiting the edge, others in transition, each of us collecting what we need for our journey in wellbeing.

It’s funny how it goes, for even in writing this now, relief enters, as the vibration is acknowledged, floating ease-fully to the words upon the pages. Which leads yet to another door, in speaking volumes of our divine nature we have come forward to express in each incarnation. For if we are to blossom, unfold our wings, we must journey as we are called, each of us responding to the thunder within us, even as we may buckle purposefully in surrender; for death awaits no man, and works in cooperation to each creation.

So let us feel, dancing to the pain of each truth, granting passage to the music which life brings us, and if we must, with each ‘selah,’ form our own judgements, opinions, about the circumstances that surround us. And as every horror comes true, remember what we asked for, the shedding skin, as we gain upon each nightmare in full view.

It was never about ‘them,’ they were only participants, its your time, your dime, given solely for this uncovering anew.

Book of Horrors, Volume 1, “It’s your Funeral”

Workshop Saturday November 3rd at Wellspring Home & Garden

Upcoming Workshop on Saturday, November 3rd at Wellspring Home & Garden!

This next Saturday, another look into “Understanding our Manifestations” & “Befriending Pain!” A large “Thank You” to Wellspring Home and Garden for hosting this event!

We will explore our relationship with the universe as we walk the ‘inward path,’ giving attention to those parts in need within us asking for love and healing.

Breakfast will be provided, compliments of our most gracious hosts! See you soon!

Upcoming Workshop!

So excited for this upcoming workshop to be held in my hometown of Warren Pennsylvania!

Looking forward to this gathering of lovely souls as we explore the heart in journey here in our life paths!

The topics for this gathering will be “Understanding Manifestation” and “Befriending our Pain,” with an intermission in between. Blessings, gratitude and much love as always, hope to see you there!

‘For you, dear heart’

‘For you, dear heart’

By James Anthony Curtis

Many times we will focus outwardly, making our life path about those around us, the circumstances, even our physical health, which tends to become an issue for our preponderance as we look for the healing we need, but in the feelings of each of these resides the very relationship we ache for in our deep longing.

As a healer, I’m coming to know those parts most intimately, foremost in my own healing, and now daily with others who are in process. After attending a healers retreat recently, its becoming more and more apparent, that through the transmission of loving insights, sometimes difficult to hear, that the painful indications are of our divine coming forth. I’m learning to challenge myself with the light that shines, shorten my verbiage, and direct the focus as revealed by intuition.

I’m beginning to understand the great responsibility that rests with healer, and the fallacy of the ‘Hippocratic Oath’ if we are to awaken. For indeed, it is with sword, or scalpel, that the tender hand rests in compassion, revealing those parts surfacing for healing. The feelings triggered within us, are but the higher self in process, which is infinite in being, often leaving us with a feeling loneliness, because of the vastness of who we are that is emerging.

When we are in the deep, and the dark covers our understanding, of how, why, we give ourselves over to the uncertainty, each need to feel, lament, howl in pain, as each part comes forth to express desires which have been concealed.

Failure will appear, dawning its mask, as an indication that we have come here to heal that which is rooted in success.

‘Doubt’ will circle us, hungrily seething, as if to pounce when we are at our weakest, yet, in truth, only here to open that which desires faith.

And we will grasp, because grasping builds the perfect cocoon for metamorphosis, but as each thing slips away, we go inward into our transformation that awaits us.

At some point we stop letting go, and start embracing with love.

We feel the failure, but love the heart.
We feel the pressing to escape, but abide with compassion.
We cringe at our truths, but acknowledge them with innocence.
We ache at each loss, only to thank the universe for the room it is making.

In our shift, we realize success and failure are an illusion, they are only here as a part of our journey to trigger those things that are in need of our love.

And as right and wrong fall away, we realize we have come to know them as helpful constructs of the ego, revealing a bigger picture, another dimension of existence, eternal, where everything is here for our benefit, to help us learn who we are, and the love we have come to offer, in our receiving.

May we be fully emerged in our journey, as we are ready to receive, may it be so, so it is.

“Trust in the Universe”

“Trust in the Universe”

By James Anthony Curtis

If we truly want to heal, we begin by embracing fully how we feel, breathing it in, abiding with strong energy, all while holding the heart, telling ourselves, “I will not abandon you, nor reject, in all that I feel.”

Many times we are born into circumstances specific to our vibrational patterns, desiring to heal those parts that are triggered by the reflections around us. The people, environments, and events in our life that get under our skin the most, are those benefactors that have been sent to reveal once darkened parts within us that are need of healing. We resist, because of the pain, which is the relief coming forth in these patterns of vibrational threads, ‘surfacing,’ as a part of our healing life path of greater self realization. Until we embrace them, they will show up in another aspect of our life, because we carry the vibrational fields within us where ever we go.

We start by slowing down, acknowledging those things in the body that carry a wealth of information to us — how we sit, what we eat and how it tastes, the music we like or dislike, the pleasures and pains of life that in the past we may have walked by because of our beliefs that have arisen purposefully for our ego to shroud us.

We give ourselves space to go inward, allowing any demons to come forward that are asking to be seen. With each sensation, we grant passage a little more to what is asking to be felt. If we become overwhelmed, we slow further, focusing on the breath, waiting until we are ready to hear what is being called forth.

With each new day, we set loving intentions, thanking the light that has come to both reveal, and warm those parts that have been cold. We learn to hold ourselves with nurturing, placing our hand upon the heart in loving compassion, knowing that the one we have been waiting for is coming, bringing with them relief upon which we may reside.

We trust in the universe, the reflections that are in our lives, setting aside judgement and opinion, giving ourselves freedom to observe with an open heart. And as we develop our practice, we come to realize our future self, the expression of who we already are, watching over us with deep mindfulness, love, and a wisdom from each ‘allowing’ in our life path.

May it be so, so it is.

“Healing the abused”

“Healing the abused”

By James Anthony Curtis

This morning I watched a video that came up in my news feed of a dog that had been abused, now shown compassion for the first time. The animal was a little older than puppy age, maybe about a year or two, and as he was gently caressed cried out in pain. The strokes were unfamiliar to him, the tender hand, and as the caregiver moved with slow movements, the dog cowered in a corner, peeing itself, tail between its legs, as if it was being beaten, continuing to wail as he was touched.

After some time, the agonizing cries became whimpers, as the worker gently continued while talking softly, looking into the dog’s eyes. The dog began to settle slightly, and you could see an apparent shift in that the canine realized it was not being abused, but still felt the strokes upon its body with some revulsion, very difficult to receive.

Time-lapse showed the dog in a few weeks, still a little skittish, but now playing with other puppies, its tail still cowering but no longer hunched fearful in the corner. Another lapse showed the same dog now playing with the caregiver, running, licking, tail wagging, living liberated of much of the abuse it had previously experienced. I thought to myself, “this is very much like my own healing, and that of many others.”

While we may not come from abusive homes, or if we do, the inward neglect we learn can be just as abusive if we have deep wounds that are in need of care.

Having been through the healing process, working with past trauma, loss, grief, and abandonment, I know firsthand how foreign ‘love’ can feel, the uncomfortable touch of tenderness, which can be very painful to receive. Healing can be one of the ugliest experiences we go through, it can feel awful, tormenting even, and we will do everything in our power to cower away to some corner in fear. But as we allow gentleness, the tender hand to enter into our lives, the kind words, although they may feel uncomfortable, unbearable at times, we too will experience a shift.

The love we are willing to grant passage, will not fail us, though we will feel the pain of our past circumstances surfacing to be felt as we are loved.

We will doubt, resist, even fight in receiving the tender care, but the pain we have inside us longs to be released, healed, and the universe responds when we are ready.

In working with others, the most common space I experience as a healer is, the identifying agents that come forth disguised in outer circumstances, only to reveal themselves as love on a greater mission.

If we are brave enough to feel, while holding the heart in tender compassion, we open ourselves to the shift that aches to unfold for us.

We are the chosen who have ears to hear, eyes to see, and time to come forth. We are beautiful, blessed, children of the most high. May it be so, so it is.

(The video below may be very difficult to watch, please be advised)

“Listening to our relationship needs”

“Listening to our relationship needs”

By James Anthony Curtis

It’s very common when we start to really get into the meat of it, to feel overwhelmed by the emotional debris that are triggered in our relationships.

As emotions arise out of habitual patterns and behaviors, we may find ourselves trapped in obsessional thought, spinning in the flesh of compulsion, seeking some or any relief as we are tossed about. But even though these often painful repetitive patterns of insanity plague us at times, it is in these very patterns that we become aware of our emotional debris that are arising for healing.

Relief is coming forward as we embrace the difficult feelings that surface to be acknowledged, felt, and held with loving compassion as no one as can.

The body in all its wonderful wisdom is a powerhouse of informative vibration. Mini-recordings of events past are stored in our vessel down to the cellular level; desires that we may or may not be aware of begin to surface when we are ready to receive the light of love upon them in their revealing. We gain perspective by loving the heart through all that we feel, allowing ourselves the space to explore and come to know previously darkened parts of the self.

Further, as we grant ourselves permission to see without judgment or opinion into present and past relationships, with love as our anchor, we abide in the feelings that the circumstances have triggered for our acknowledgment.

We gain clarity through feeling our feelings, discovering that we were not out to harm ourselves or others, but were only attempting to fulfill unmet needs crying out within us for love. Our subconscious knows of no other way to communicate with us, other than to trigger circumstances abundant in life that will release emotional debris that are wanting. So if we are craving attention, and really didn’t want someone who would treat us poorly, this might be the exact person we attract to awaken us to the existing transmitting vibration within ourselves, showing us a reflection of how we have treated ourselves, and are in need of our own loving attentive care.

When ready, we immerse ourselves deeper into arising feelings, acknowledging our preferences, allowing ourselves to observe the emotional debris that hold the keys to each heart desire. As we follow the breadcrumbs of our bliss, the universe will respond by continuing to create outer circumstances in support of our self-realization.

We slow down, allowing the body to breathe, appreciating both the pain and the joy of our revealing, knowing that we have asked for this depth, as our life path unfolds precisely in the manner needed for love to step forth, claiming our inheritance, as the one we already are.

May it be so, so it is.