Category: Blog: Feeling our Feelings

Feel to Heal

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“Bondage and butterflies”

“Bondage and butterflies”

By James Anthony Curtis

It can be difficult sometimes to embrace our circumstances if we feel uncomfortable with the feelings that arise, or our body experiences strong energies that may overwhelm our nervous system. We may experience physical sickness, bodily aches, a loss of focus, and an overall sense of fatigue, finding simple truths elusive, especially in the face of uncertainty. Usually, but not always, when we find ourselves experiencing these characteristics it is a form of communication from the body and soul requesting ‘attention,’ possibly integration, but always love.

As we learn to hear the requests of our soul, giving audience to what we feel, insight into our circumstances becomes more apparent─ which comes by the love we offer. Years ago I had an experience watching several training videos for work. One of them was on “shooters in the building and what to do.” There were 5 other men in the room watching the videos with me, and suddenly I felt sadness welling up within me, ache for the portrayal of violence (they have actors in the video portraying these potential scenarios), and tears began to flow. I remember turning away from the other men because of what they might think, but my heart, and innocence were working perfectly with the circumstances to reveal a desire for a more peaceful world, and also one in which men can share deep emotions.

Egoic tendency is to have a practice of persistence, willing our way through circumstances, and overcoming obstacles. But the spiritual realm exhibits patience, surrender, and embracing what arises as a part of our transformational nature. Doubt, and pain may seem like enemies, but they are actually emissaries of ego, working in coordination with our circumstances and the universe to take us deeper into our transformation. Our part that will provide relief is in coming to know ourselves, the one coming forth in us, and being open to the messengers that arrive as part of our process, rather than something to be overcome. Meeting our circumstances with innocence allows us to observe in loving compassion, rather than the incredulity of egoic patterning. This is where ‘childlike faith’ opens doors, and the universe meets us with an ‘unraveling’ of fortune previously unknown in this life path, buried in the depths until we were ready to receive it. The chains of bondage that may have held us in captivity are released though our transformational process, not because they have been broken, but because we are no longer the same creation.

Today may we be honest, allowing whatever we feel to bring us to who we already are, the one who desires to be whole, healthy, innocent and in love. May we see our circumstances as part of our transformation, working in coordination with the ego, body, and soul to shift us into a higher vibration. May we welcome our reality as a messenger to the desires of our heart, revealing all that we need to offer ourselves the love we have been asking for.

May it be so, so it is.

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“Winter roads”

“Winter roads”

By James Anthony Curtis

Some roads are meant to be driven with ease, enjoying the scenery, breathing in the warm sun on our skin, yet others, driven with extra attention and care, focusing on the subtle changes that come with the weather, feeling into the conditions we drive in.

We may want to go faster, speeding up to arrive at our where we are going, finding ourselves irritated, anxious, even frustrated when taking account of our progress, and although our arrival comes no faster, the truths that surface in our emotions are more valuable than any destination. The places we intend in our journey are not necessarily what our journey is about. Those sometimes frightful, often irritating, uncomfortable moments in between, are where we need to be, or they would not be a part of the road we travel.

We learn to trust in the orchestration of our circumstances, those “irritations, anxieties, and frustrations,” that they come into our life for a reason, and by abiding with them in love, they present their gifts on ‘winter roads.’ Every day, each season, and various events that unfold in our lives – even the weather we experience, are a part of the connection to the inward path as well as what we have come here to express outwardly in our being. A thunder clap, gust of wind, or heavy snow in olden times, was of particular meaning in that we are divinity incarnate, sons and daughters of source, and source communicates through any and all ways in our human field of experience.

As we sit with ourselves, in all that we feel, allowing love to touch our heart even in the midst of the most afflictive of emotions, we embrace ourselves, those parts that are coming forth in us to be acknowledged for our most fulfilling reality to unfold. Many times circumstances are created specifically for or by us in these various conditions, that our environment may expose those places within us that have been desiring to come forward, which may not be so easily seen in otherwise more pleasant surroundings.

So today may we feel, touching the hand to our heart, giving ourselves the love we have been asking for, utilizing all circumstances coming into our life as our forefathers did of old, for the insight, attention and love we have been asking for – allowing ourselves to fully engage the roads we travel on, acknowledging the truths that surface in us, connecting both inward and out to our nature. May we allow ourselves to hold the one coming forth to be held, the one we already are, for the love of all beings.

May it be so, so it is.

 

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Seeing our Greatness in Affliction

“Seeing our greatness in affliction”

By James Anthony Curtis

The past few days near Mt. Graham, Arizona, the temperature where we are staying has dropped significantly, the wind adding to the chill goes right through the body, piercing the marrow in the bones, until it feels like there is just no warmth left to the soul. You begin shaking, seeking out any place that might bring some relief, even acting out in mannerisms that might be very telling of the desires locked away within our mortality. Anger, frustration, and depression are common elements that arise as the cold seeps into the body.

Back east, every winter this seemed like a mass exodus in emotional waves that would cover the small town of people when winter began its arrival. The mountains of the Alleghenies though, have a way of hiding the sky, even their greatness, as the hills are close in relation to one another, providing a sense of density that out west does not have. And the humidity seems to stick with you, clinging, in all its various forms, creating a weight of sorts, that feels very much like your body is oppressed in reasoning as to why you would ‘live where you live.’

But the point of it is, we have chosen, each of us, to live where we live, be with whom we are, even if we are caught in habitual patterns of arrangement unconsciously, seemingly through no control or thought of our own. In an inclusive universe, although it may not feel like it, those very parts that are under affliction, are streaming information to the whole of creation as to what we like, even in our ‘dislikes.’ More importantly, as we learn to listen to ourselves, the places within us that surface in emotion, are coming forward to ask or reveal what it is we truly desire. This is always love, in some form or another, whether it be nurturing, holding space, or acknowledgement, our divinity is the love manifesting circumstances for us even though it may appear we have not chosen them. What we do with our response, or reaction, how we treat ourselves through what comes forward, is the love we have been gifted with for shifting our vibration. How we meet life, even in our dislike of circumstances, produces a way forward for the expansion of the heart, which in turn allows room for us to grow in our eternal form. We can either choose to embrace the beauty in our orchestration, acknowledging the genius source creators that we are, or continue on in our patterns, seeing only what we wish to see until we are ready. In either case though, love again is the point in our choosing, beit conscious or unconscious in our awareness.

It might bring some small comfort that, though I am aware of this process, each time is an opportunity to move through it with grace. The ‘unmerited favor’ comes from allowing me to be with me, finite self to connect with infinite self, choosing to abide with strong feelings, uncomfortable sensations, while holding the heart with love, and not abandoning or rejecting it along with the cold.

Today as I look up at the majesty of the mountain, I feel the incredible wealth of colds affliction, the greatness in our mortal journey, why we are revered above angels, because of the pilgrimage we have chosen. With each breath we open ourselves to the one that is coming forth, that desires more than anything to be born, to live as god incarnate here in earth. The fears that we feel are only the pains of being squeezed into this tiny frame, so we feel as we are ready, being gentle with our mortality, granting passage to our afflictions, knowing they are only a part of the birthing process, of coming to know the one we already are, the love that we are, as compassion warms the heart in light for all beings within us.

Blessings my dear friends, much love, gratitude for the heart road we are walking. May it be so, so it is.

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To the ‘One’ whistling in the dark

To the ‘One’ whistling in the dark

By James Anthony Curtis

It’s hard to accept the arrangement of some fears, they strike with such precision, and depth, it feels as though our heart will stop. “Not being good enough,” along with the torment of “unworthiness, abandonment, and rejection,” can often leave us feeling bruised, bullied, alone…cowering in some dark corner.

But as we learn about bullies, we find that most of their lives they themselves have been bullied, and receiving little to no acknowledgement, only desiring to be heard, seen, shown the attention they lacked, come knocking at our door. Frequently they arrive with expressions of anger, hatred, and accusations of the ground we stand on, taunting us until we fold inward, sinking deeper into depression.

Some days “the fear of not being good enough” lashes out with such ferocity, that it seems as though the whole world has joined with them as a gang of torment, to all of which we feel overwhelmed, bottoming out, and with no room left to recoil, we turn towards our demons. As we face our captors, we willingly succumb, opening the door, inviting the end to be near, showing them in for as long as they wish to stay, abiding with them in the innocence of our heart.

“Come in,” we say, “I will not abandon me, nor resist you,” and feeling their presence, the deep ache, the pain gripping at our soul, they are heard.

Soon, many more of their friends arrive, ‘self-pity, poverty, cruelty, and ugliness,’ a hard looking bunch, from many years of living on the fringe of existence. They lounge wherever they please, mostly choosing to sprawl across the heart as it opens to receive them. But as they do, we do the opposite of our earthly nature, divining a way less seen, and we continue to sit, holding our heart in the midst of their chattering. Tears gently fall upon the cheeks, gravity guiding them down well-worn paths, as the ruin of our guests touches us.

‘Abandonment, rejection, and unworthiness’ complete the crowd now gathered, a full house, yet still we hold true to love, the practice of being with strong energy, and holding the heart, as each of them comes forth to be felt, listened to, seen as no one else can.

Breath by breath, we feel intimately those that are here for acknowledgement, that healing may occur as needed, with each truth of our pain.

We continue by setting aside judgements and opinions about the circumstances of each arising, simply feeling, allowing passage for cellular debris to manifest, releasing as they will; just as a sliver works its way out of the body, so to the creation serves love even in the most difficult of circumstances.

Gently bowing, each of one of our guests depart, moving on as we stand in truth, holding space for them, while loving the heart, tenderly, as gently as we can.

The sun comes forth, shining, broadening our inner chambers, and the room feels lighter, the breath easier, our healing process deeper.

The room is now empty, but somehow we fill more of it, larger, for as we have come know those parts, so to we have come to know ourselves, the one coming forth, the love that we are, for the benefit of all beings.

May it be so, and so it is.????

– From my next book: “Honoring the One Coming Forth”

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‘The sword of truth’

‘The sword of truth’

By James Anthony Curtis

Pain is the great revealer, coming forward to present itself in the most uncomfortable of circumstances, bringing forth once darkened parts to gain our attention. Even though it may seem simple enough, like when we burn our hand on a hot surface, or close our eyes wincing to the brightness of the noon day sun, underneath the surface of our sense experience, flows an intricate often enormous amount of wealth in transformation. This ‘wealth’ frequently goes untapped, for fear of what we might find, in the voice of the deep, calling out with pain as its advocate.

Often we turn aside, look the other way, ‘blame’ becoming a watchword for outer circumstances, and in our ignorance, humanity suffers, as we recoil in the sensitivity of each truth which lights upon the heart. But as all things work in an inclusive universe, if we turn away, our movement only draws us closer to that which exists in us, the hidden desires which hold dear our most precious treasures.

What an interesting discovery, that ‘truth’ walks hand in hand with our most painful of life paths, not only as pains’ confidant, but as its closest supporter, and friend. If only John Bunyan had written the mystics path, unfettered from religious dogma, what would he have said from the darkness in his prison cell?

So we move as we feel moved, some of us awaiting the edge, others in transition, each of us collecting what we need for our journey in wellbeing.

It’s funny how it goes, for even in writing this now, relief enters, as the vibration is acknowledged, floating ease-fully to the words upon the pages. Which leads yet to another door, in speaking volumes of our divine nature we have come forward to express in each incarnation. For if we are to blossom, unfold our wings, we must journey as we are called, each of us responding to the thunder within us, even as we may buckle purposefully in surrender; for death awaits no man, and works in cooperation to each creation.

So let us feel, dancing to the pain of each truth, granting passage to the music which life brings us, and if we must, with each ‘selah,’ form our own judgements, opinions, about the circumstances that surround us. And as every horror comes true, remember what we asked for, the shedding skin, as we gain upon each nightmare in full view.

It was never about ‘them,’ they were only participants, its your time, your dime, given solely for this uncovering anew.

Book of Horrors, Volume 1, “It’s your Funeral”