This page will be devoted to posts of ongoing travels, explorations, and insights into the beautiful places visited in our travels.
It might be interesting to start with where it all began, how it came to be that since March of 2018, Ive essentially been living out of a teardrop camper, pulled by a little sky-blue Subaru after a great deal of minimalism took place in my life. A life’s worth of possessions downsized, not only from my own property, but a previous marriage, and my mother’s estate after her passing — almost everything but only the most useful of things, given new homes. Clothes, tools, appliances, nicknacks, and family heirlooms, all condensed over a period of two years to the most necessary of items, allotted space in the small Subaru and teardrop camper.
The path of minimalism isn’t for everyone, really it’s a spiritual mindset that’s based in how we feel about ourselves: what we need to release, clean house, and make room for something much more valuable than the things we’ve been holding onto. One day we look in the mirror, then take a look around, and feel life calling to us, on a much deeper level than what we’ve been living. Ironically the depth we seek isn’t something like the substance we’re used to, but more of an expression to step into a larger part of life that’s felt bogged down by the clutter — and not the kind of clutter that necessarily comes from things. Downsizing in our life is merely a practice to help resolve much larger issues of the heart that need space for their resolution to unfold. To me it kinda felt like being kicked out of the nest of comfortability in order to learn how to utilize my wings, because the nest just didn’t afford me the space to stretch into the potential of who I Am. And finding new homes for stuff with various emotional attachments took time to work through, whether its an integration period, or allowing our process to grow and develop as we are ready, giving ourselves the love we need for what we are seeking.
There was a previous two years before I took the leap, where I began giving, selling, and letting go of things that lined up with a feeling I had of what was coming transformationally in my life. Before the divorce, my wife and I had just bought a property, and in the moving process we decided to clean house drastically, reducing about a third of our 20 years worth of accumulation. This lone act in moving to another residence allowed me to abide with much larger actions of letting go, even though I was unaware of it at the time, as we settled into our new home. Other issues began to arise with this move, where both of us questioned the nature of the relationship we were in. Luckily, the universe has a way of pushing us when we are ready, even when we don’t feel ready, in the direction of our desires that are manifesting. That said, I fought my divorce, not because of the great love felt for my wife, but because of that same comfortability that lingered from my clutter, even though really I desired something deeper.
Looking back those years were long in the making, where the proverbial cocoon formed for something much different to emerge in its season. So after a year or so separation, the divorce started, many items were given, sold, or thrown out, not only from the marriage, but also in many other shifts of releasing emotional bondage to family, friends, pets, and moments remembered as clearing continued. This may sound harsh, but really there was a process of deep abiding with these things as they went, sometimes grieving, others times smiling, remembering, all treated with my best effort to love as the release unfolded.
Selling the house and property was one of the last arrangements as apart of my settlement, and it was very difficult, because land and shelter are very rooted in our instinctual efforts for survival. But I had done survival, and found a need for something much more coming forward in me. So with that, the last of remaining things were initially moved to a small 8 X 10 storage unit, which were gone through 6 months later, as apart of my liberation.
It’s funny what we accumulate, little gifts here and there, tools we might need, large collections of clothes for various occasions, cupboards of food, and comfortable furniture to sit on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to any of these things, each has their place, it’s just that the amount of space and places we choose to store them in can be overwhelming, although comforting with a temporal sense of security. Even to this day when I see a garage full of tools, or a well stocked pantry, I feel at ease. But it’s this ease that’s worth investigating further, because with ease, there also comes an opposite of ‘ill at ease.’
Before my mother passed, she used to joke about all the stuff we would have to take care of in her estate, and now I can really see how much of that was a burden to her even though she laughed. And she continued to collect with those feelings present in her, like she had just accepted that as her fate. So maybe the path I’m choosing is for my lineage in a way, healing my ancestors where they may have felt trapped, or uncomfortable in their comfortability. So how does this tie into travel?
Really the thought of travel, at least present day, came about from a previous experience of living on the road, back in the late 80’s — early 90’s. As with most changes of great upheaval in life, it started with a preponderance of questioning, an exploration of one thing leading to another, and a nagging suspicion that there was something more than what I could actively see at the time. The universe has a way of conspiring to deliver us to those points in our life, where even in unawareness, we somehow choose roads that normally would be overlooked in the context of day to day living. Although I don’t condone drug use, neither is it condemned when seen as a necessary part or catalyst that brings us to where we desire to be. Sometimes the unfolding way for the wary head rests with the most chaotic of scenarios.
So upon arrival at a Grateful Dead show in 89,’ (I know how that must sound — but it’s my truth), being doused with acid, the proverbial Pandoras box was opened to those nagging suspicions. Nothing would ever be the same. Not only were my senses abruptly peeled back to layers of another world, but I was opened on a much deeper level to those parts within me that burned with questions. I found myself in a state of bewilderment to what was previously known, this sliver of new reality gently grinding away to continue revealing darkness of a closed eye; down, down and around, the journey taking me into the rabbit hole of an unexplainable longing on an unconscious level.
I began to notice unwanted habitual patterns, not understanding the relevance of where they were leading me, and often daydreamed of fantastical worlds mingled with reality, wondering where they were guiding me. I’m not really going to go into it here, maybe that will surface with another book, another time, but back then those burnings led me to a complete abandonment of sorts, living on the road, a fugitive of circumstances for a couple of years. A world of possibilities that had been sealed away abruptly opened, which would bring me to the gates of madness, until madness seemed like completion, only to find a new reality more fulfilling than I could possibly imagine, as it presented itself many years later as an eternal offering to my once limited life.
Although I may speak in terms of travel, really that itch was only apart of an inner spark, one in which when opened produced great fear in my life, which I wasn’t ready to address, and led me to settling down for about 20 years. But I was still searching, and as part of my searching I knew the drugs had to go if I was to find any real footing for truth — so in the spring of 1995 drug use fell away to a more conventional lifestyle. And although I say here, “I wasn’t ready,” later I would come to find this was a natural part of the spiritual evolutionary process truth offers. So with friends of Fear, Ache, and Pain, greater purpose allowed me to settle in, as a long period of gestation occurred, one in which I was granted time to fester in longings, while observing habitual patterning. There’s something to be said for this period, because without it, ‘fulfillment’ seems dry, pretty awful really, like a butterfly unable to fill its wings for lack of any real transformative power. I never really thought of the ego as a major player in spiritual evolution, but for me it was passion disguised as my demons. With each various unrelenting series of questions, and maybe doing my best to cover, even hide what appeared, energies only burned deeper, simmering until ready to burst in their boiling.
It’s quite a fight within, we will hold fast with every fiber of our being, to what seems like a normal life, until we come to some formation of a door we must walk through as deeper desires emerge. For me that looked like marriage, taking care of my parents as they aged, various jobs of employment, raising children, having beloved pets, long lasting friendships, owning property and things — all of which proved priceless in the process of acknowledgment to truths that had long awaited to be seen.
So I settled into the long winter of what proved to be a cultivation of sorts for the transformation of my soul. It’s funny how you know some things, even when you think you don’t, like when you are going to embark on a journey, just not for about 20 years or so. Looking back those were great times, even in the ark of convalescing. What had the appearance of ‘cleaning house,’ was really a prelude to ‘coming out of the closet’ so to speak — where the real deal of cleaning the inside begins through emergence.
In a final work of culmination, in 2015, the world that I had come to most soberly know, began to fall apart. Bit by bit, much of what I stood upon as the grounding of my reality, began to crumble in an emotional vortex of chaos. Having lost my mother nine days after she entered the hospital on Christmas Eve, one of my biggest cheerleaders and supporters left this earth. Although I didn’t see it at the time, this shift was so pronounced in my life that most of the fear that I felt, was very much like being pushed out of the nest. Having relied on my family support for many years, both in the turmoil of drug addiction, and turning my life into a sober one, those most concentrated moments of agony I felt were shared with my mother. But even in her passing, larger truths I had known all my life began to be seen for what they were, as universal arrangement is not without mercy. My mother passed at 6:01 AM, and I received a text not one minute later. As I was in grieving, I didn’t look at it then, but later that morning I peered at my phone and burst into tears once more, as I found a simple, “I Love You” from a friend. When we really pay attention, or are able to clear space for these moments, its almost undeniable in comfort how truly loved we are, and how infinitely mysterious the universe is. Thank you Mom!
In this same period of a couple years around the time my mother passed, one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer, and I learned to sit with someone as they slowly were eaten away until death claimed them. Then my beloved dog and most faithful confident died not long after my mother, as again I watched, held, and did the best I could to care for him in his transition. Separation came quickly after this with my wife, and she requested divorce a year later. And again I experienced the loss of another dear friend, and the property I had come to love fast becoming a part of the divorce settlement, I did my best to try to move forward, grasping the reality I was familiar with. Eventually I began to see someone else, to focus my intentions on work, and to put more of an effort into settling that I might keep the property. In this last vain attempt to ground myself, all of my efforts took me to one final weekend, where the universe made it very clear that my old reality was not what it was arranging for my benefit: on Friday night I lost my job, Saturday the relationship newly founded had ended, and on Sunday the last of my roommates that were living at my house informed me they were moving out. I felt utterly and unshakably doomed in what I could perceive as no good outcome at the time.
This was the beginning of the end, where you either go inward, and allow who you have known yourself to be to be utterly destroyed in the transformation process, or succumb to repeating energies moved into another life after this one. If we choose to travel, take the journey inward, words like ‘pilgrimage,’ ‘love,’ and ‘God,’ are granted space with new meaning in the wake of self realization. There is an absolute liberation that is birthed from going into our darkest fears, something that cannot be grasped, only loved as we allow ourselves divine awakening.
So this may not be what you thought when first reading my travel blog — that’s ok. In fact it’s better than ok, because you like many others that are along the path, are very precious, purposed in what you find, read, and come to know as you venture inward to those parts that have longed to be heard. There are no mistakes, and its not about right or wrong, simply put, we journey when ready, look as we see, and hear what we hear.
For those of you looking for some interesting places to visit, maybe services along the way, or just want to enjoy some cool stories, feel free to browse, connect, read and share. I love seeing new places and meeting so much variety in people. I’ll continue to post here as the journey unfolds. But if you are one of the souls asking questions, seeking some resolution in your heart, drop a line — you would be surprised at how many of us there are, and what is coming as the earth shifts in our lifetime.
As always, much love, gratitude, and many blessings, wherever you are at in your journey friends.