“Missing ‘Me'”

“Missing ‘Me'”

By James Anthony Curtis

My mother and I had a very unique relationship, very old souls, yet very youthful in our play.

We would often play jokes on each other, pushing the limits of our friendship, but knowing just how far we could go.

One Halloween we had made an effigy dressed up in old farm clothes, sat it out front on the porch to scare trick or treaters come for their goodies (yes our playfulness extended to others☺).

All night long there were little shrieks of terror followed by laughing delight at our prank.

Some families approached the porch cautiously expecting a “live” someone in the skeleton mask set up to jump up and grab them, but it silently sat and did its job, effectively well enough in everyone’s mind.

After hallows eve we left Fred (yup, named him too) up for the fall weather, as winter moved closer with colder winds picking up, threatening to eventually snow.

Mother would go to bingo a couple of times a week, and the imp in me got the better one night while she was away. I gently moved “Fred” inside the front door to a recliner, where mom would conveniently have to lean over to turn the lamp on. I fell asleep before she got home that night, but the next morning she exclaimed, “you scared the dickens out of me last night with Fred!”

Mother wasn’t one to let a little payback fester, soon enough, one weekend I was out with friends having a few drinks, expecting to come home, crawl into a warm bed upstairs, but instead there was someone in my bed! I thought, “that’s strange, what the…” reaching over to turn the lamp on in my room (yes, had to reach across my bed) I found myself face to face with Fred all tucked in waiting for me!

I’m not sure what moms reaction to him in the recliner was, but I about peed my pants, half in fear, half I couldn’t believe she dragged that thing upstairs and put in my bed laughing!

Perfect. It was beautifully perfect, and a wonderful relationship that I’m so grateful to have had.

For years after I moved out of the house, mom would call me at night to say goodnight before we both went to dreamland.

Usually around ten o’clock I would get the call, her saying “it’s me!” and me saying on the other end, “hello me!”

Although I miss that “me” greatly, somehow sharing here, now, I feel like “me” is not that far away. That maybe in the larger picture of things, we are all “me,” and we never really understand fully the embrace we give ourselves, until we are open to believing, to seeing the “me,” turned upside down as “we.”

Maybe we allow ourselves to feel the love that we have come to receive, to give others, and bless our relationships for all to experience healing.

May we embrace our “me’s,” as no one else can, letting each heart beat know and acknowledge the beauty of our breath in creation.

May we feel safe, opening our heart to the love of many, that the few, or one, may emerge that we have been waiting for, that we already are, for the benefit of all beings.

May it be so, so it is.