“3:33”

“3:33”

By James Anthony Curtis

It’s funny how the transition into colder weather brings things into a quiet stillness. The warmth of the earth, sounds, light, all begin to fade inward as the days get shorter.

As I awoke this morning, getting ready for work, fear came for a visit. Like that uninvited guest that shows up at the most inopportune of times, wanting to eat your food, drink your tea and share about all the things that ache in the hearing.

This morning being so early, I was doing my meditation, morning readings, one of which was on aging, and fear had a lot to say about that subject.

As the conversation went it’s way, I tried to breath, the coldness of fears words chilling my heart, I snuggled under my blanket, and my other friend “aloneness” came also to augment all of fears musings.

“Well this is awkward,” I said as the three of us tried to stay warm in meditation under my blanket.

It’s pretty dark also this early in the morning, which helps the quiet to sound even more deafening in this state.

Then I looked at the clock, 3:33.

No reason in particular, my head just chose to look in that direction when it did, my eyes focusing on the numbers at that point in time.

I breathed a sigh of relief as my two visitors decidedly didn’t like that moment and left.

This was the first meaning I came upon this morning, “333: You Are Fully Protected. Divine beings from higher realms are protecting you every step of the way. The number 3 repeated three times means that you are protected by the divinity and surrounded by pure, unconditional love.”

Tears began to flow, the heart warmed, and other friends started to come under the covers.

“It’s ok” came, and “you are not alone” showed up to remind me I’m being watched over, that this is not a purposeless journey, and even though death is stalking me, this is only a transition, an adventure, not an end.

So today may we embrace our friends, may we feel them fully, trusting in the process of the universe, and all that we are.

May we come to our greatest love, our highest destiny, through all that arises to greet our day.

May we realize that we are not alone, allowing, relaxing, that we may become the one, we already are.

“Triggers, Activations, Feelings and Healings…”

“Triggers, Activations, Feelings and Healings…”

Some days I catch myself asking, “just how deep does this rabbit hole go?”

But then when I look at the known history of mankind, even more so just in the past century, all the war, poverty, pain and out pouring of hate in our suffering, it becomes clear that we are deeply involved in transformation.

I’m grateful to see, hear and experience all that I feel, all that is triggered within me, but for the longest time it felt as if I was caught up in someone else’s melodrama of life. Like I’d been thrust into a play and didn’t know my lines, just standing there on stage dumbfounded by what I was experiencing. This isn’t far from the truth of awakening, of the “rabbit hole.”

Once we start the journey, our “awakening,” it’s very much like coming out of the matrix, and once your awake, would you really want to go back to the illusion of what you thought was reality?

Sure I’ve tried. Done my best even to fit, ignore, go with what I once knew, but there’s always that nagging needle twisting in the consciousness of my body, working it’s way to the surface, “triggered” by the world to reveal the truth.

And once activated, everything comes down to two choices, both of which serve for healing: either fight the ride, tumbling down the rabbit hole anyways doing our best to distract ourselves, or embrace it, and love our hearts allowing ourselves to fully feel what’s been “activated.”

As we feel, and relax into the body, learn in self-love, so we begin to heal, all of those things that have arisen in this front wave of humanity.

“Many are called, but few are chosen.”

I used to believe this was meant for those special few, that would be taken while others are left behind. Now I’m seeing very clearly, those few that are “chosen,” are the ones that will undergo all the pain, suffering and healing for humanity.

They are the “light workers,” the ones that will grieve for us, that go through sacrifice and extreme loss, and will learn to love all of our darkness, for the benefit of every being.

Their healing will be one of such personal magnitude, that it will ripple out in waves upon humanity.

“These shoes…”

“Where will these shoes take me…”

by James Anthony Curtis

So the other day I went to look for a new pair of shoes for work.

I’ve been listening from a heart centered place, practicing mindfulness by being in the moment, feeling into the vibration of what is.

So a simple act of looking for shoes for work has two approaches: I can try to reason things out, figure what might work best (I work as an associate for customer assistance in building materials for construction, which one might think work boots would be great working around the heavy materials), or feeling my way through using vibration as a guide to find the best pair of shoes.

The easiest way to describe this (if you’ve ever seen star wars you’ll catch this meaning), is using the force.

Reaching out with feelings as my guide to prompt me in which direction to proceed.

So as I was in the shoe store, there is this internal dialogue between my mind, and my heart. The one reasoning why I should wear work boots, the heart saying, “listen, feel your way through this choice…”

Over and over I kept coming back, finding myself staring at these shoes, “feeling” that these were “it” in the moment.

They made no sense to mind whatsoever, they were cheap, not the type of shoe you would expect for my work environment, and actually made for jogging.

So I went with my feelings, they were so strong, clear, and serene. Not to listen would have felt “off.”

The next day I show up to work in my new shoes. I actually took an old pair of work boots because I was second guessing myself lol.

But when I talked to others working in the department, almost every person said the same thing, “you want a good pair of sneakers, being on your feet, moving all day here, it’s necessary to have light comfortable shoes!”

These shoes have taught me once again, sometimes things don’t make sense to the mind, but they make perfect sense, and are already deeply known by the heart.

Things are already lined up, all is well, it’s all there waiting…we just need to “step out in faith” to embrace our most fulfilling reality, the love that we already are, the innocence of the heart.

May we all embrace the path of heart, finding our shoes, that will walk us home.

“Free Will or Destiny?”

Someone once posed the question, “Free will…destiny? Which one is true, which one is real?”

Article by James Anthony Curtis

As I sit here alone tonight, memories of a past relationship come to mind. The ache of the separation, the warmth of her smile, the feel of our energy when we were together, or apart, the singing of my heart when our eyes would meet every time we were reunited. And I wonder, how is it that something so beautiful slipped away, could I have prevented it, maybe taken a different course of action, some twist or turn in the road that I lay fault to blame on me, or the fates?

But then, this is taken out of context, out of the “larger picture.” What has been happening in and throughout my lifetime, the changes, the help from within, the guidance of the universe, my intuition ignored or not well received for want of comfort. Love really knows the answers, and although sometimes I refuse to see, eventually guidance and love is accepted into my heart.

I am learning to Love the “one” who is going through this experience, and tell myself, “believe in the bigger picture, in faith, this is all happening as it was supposed too.” And while things don’t always “seem” to line up, looking back I can see more clearly how things have worked in and around me to fulfill my highest destiny. Of course much of this doesn’t make sense with the old paradigms of the world, I struggle to reason, to grasp at familiar footing, and find some ground, but this is part of the process, to experience “loss” and the ground under our feet.

So the agony comes being torn between these two worlds. One, yet two, in choice, or as the play unfolds. Many infinite roads to the same outcome, one in which we cannot escape who we are. Everything still would have unfolded, in this chapter or the next, the writing is on the wall.

And all the distractions, the scenarios, people, energy, comes and goes for the unfoldment of my being. No matter which path I choose, at my core, in my soul, I can feel the growth happening, the things that must come in order for me to expand, to open, and spiritually evolve.

This always eluded me, because many of the great teachers of our time share that we already are, that we need only become aware, “just be.” While this is true, a good part of this truth that is often left wanting, is the journey between, the dash so to speak.

In nature, an oak knows that its an oak, from the time the shell cracks, the sprout comes, the seedling roots in the ground, the leaves seek the light, the vital life force of above and below that feeds, nourishes. Yet, it is not a full grown oak, but still a seedling. And as it grows, it becomes a sapling, then a small tree, and many years later through weathering, “being,” and faith lived, it now stands as the mighty oak.

And so this is our process, the “rooting,” finding the good ground, seeking the light, coming to know that which feeds us, nourishes, loves as we learn to love ourselves.

Even in knowing that we are Divine, the love that flows through us, in our cells, our veins, the breath, must grow in spirit, wax, wane, ever growing to become mighty in standing, proven by the elements, held up in faith as we grow.

Just as the things that help to nourish in nature, so to all is here to help us. The ego is here to serve, to provide the nourishment necessary for the journey of growth. Our spiritual nature is no mistake in that we were born into these vessels of earthen clay. So to within us, the heart, is the field upon which spiritual evolution takes place, and in doing so, just as the oak grows, expands, ring after ring, from year to year, only as the heart feels safe, loved, will it expand, and allow room for the spirit to grow, to expand within us.

The pain, ache, the suffering of soul, of choices made, losses, feelings that cause the mind to ponder, wander into the past, or to the future of what will be, this is the ground upon which the heart expands, opens, grows in strength as we learn to make friends with the dark places in which we have rooted. We allow ourselves to feel, to embrace all that I Am, be it past or future, for we carry the genetic memories of many past lives in our cells.

As we learn to clear, to heal through the debris of our own suffering, not only are we healing fully through feeling, loving ourselves, but across dimensions and lifetimes for the benefit of all.

Though we may not understand, its not as important as it is that we allow the process to unfold. So even in choosing to run, to escape, we are still allowing, for destiny persists in what must come. There are no wrong choices in free will, and we will all arrive at our destination, no matter how long or what path we choose.

What’s important is love. How we love ourselves, the attention we give to our hearts, and the time we spend. Each moment we can come closer, make a little more room, as long as the heart feels safe.

Free will or destiny? Both are true, and very real.

If you are reading this, please know, that you are not alone, I Am there with you, and you are here with me. It will all work out, we are here to learn faith, to love, to “Be.”

Namaste, James.

 

What was yesterday?

 

What day was yesterday? I caught myself saying this and realized I had been so immersed in the process of transformation, that it didn’t matter what day it was.

I smiled at this. For one of the first days in a long time, I had no place to be, no mate to check in with, no job, no roommates, and I’m ok. The only thing I need to do today is love me. Actively engage me. Observe. Feel. “Be,” and allow for the universe to guide and direct what comes or doesn’t come into my life in faith. Knowing its all going to work out.

The sun just came out, although its a pretty cloudy day, it just got brighter. Almost as if the universe, that larger part of me, acknowledges me. All of me. The pain, the sorrow, joy, peace, the path that led me here, the road I’m on now, everything in my story that has made my heart what it is today. I feel different, not the same person I was yesterday, whatever day that was. It feels like something in me has stopped fighting, and surrendered to universal knowing, nurturing, and cultivation of my soul.

So much pain the past few years, months, weeks, and yesterday…even now moments come with tears, and I feel them gently roll down this precious face that I see in the mirror.

Someone once told me, “The trails tears leave on our cheeks, are the paths back to our soul.”

I’ve tried to avoid those tears so many times over the years. Tried to avoid pain, suffering, and the uncomfortability, only to find I was avoiding me.

Ive experienced such loss, devastation, and destruction in my life, I cant deny anymore that this is of universal making, of God, my greater self. Everything that has been a distraction, a hindrance to my spiritual evolution has been removed. Everything.

You know when this happens because you cant deny it anymore, you cant escape it. There is no more running, no more figuring things out, no self-deception. You see things as they are, and no matter how much you try, you cant rebuild the old house you lived in.

The tears come, the judgments, anger, the feeling of unworthiness, being abandoned, rejected, and no matter how hard you try to see things different, you cant, because you are different. Something has shifted. There is no way around it, only through, and through is feeling it – all of it with love.

Once you’ve felt however much you need to feel, loving every aspect that arises, the heart begins to open, and faith begins to grow. We learn to trust in the synchronicity of events that are happening. We are not the same person we were yesterday. We see things differently, feel and hear from a new perspective.

Its the most painful process Ive ever been through, that I continue to go through, nothing compares to it.

And as much as the universe loves us, it loves us so much – unconditionally in fact, meaning, that when its time to grow, you can try to fight it, but there is no escape. The universe knows exactly what we need, in whatever measure we need it, and what our highest fulfillment is.

We begin to move forward in love, and faith, because our old reality is collapsing in on itself. WE are spiritually evolving into something, new, unknown, but beautiful. There is no explanation, no guidebook, our life is our manual for the transformation. We must live it.

So if your waking up, wondering what day it is, and if you feel different today, maybe you are. Maybe something has shifted for you as it has for me. If your afraid, embrace it. Make friends with your fears. Love yourself anyway you can to allow your heart to expand into the new paradigm.

And remember – you are not alone.

You are loved.

I’m so thankful you are on this journey with me.
James.

Dealing with Stress, Loss and Pain

Photo by: Cameron Gray 

Another night of thoughts, little sleep, and energetic connection to a soul that wants nothing to do with me.

~ article by James Anthony Curtis

Its been almost a month now, and my partner has completely deleted me from her life. The original break up was through email, a few talks on the phone, and then she refused to see me or meet with me.

I poured so much of my self into the relationship that there was virtually no room for me in my life. So when she decided to call us done, I was left with little of me to cope with the feelings of rejection, loss, and unworthiness that came up in me.

I allowed myself to connect to her soul energetically on a deep level. If you’ve ever experienced this you’ll know what I mean. We had a long distance relationship and it was not uncommon to feel her energy throughout the day, the highs, lows, her health, and what was going to such an extent it was hard sometimes to sort out what was what. The connection was so strong I still feel it to this day, although on some levels it is lessoning. This can make for an interesting mix when your old partner starts seeing someone new, and the exhilaration of emotions she gets come up in me, while Im still grieving the loss of our relationship. And on top of that we have no communication, I was never permitted to “part” from her energetically, to grieve the loss as we uncoupled. When this happens there is no recourse but to deal with your feelings, energy, and cope as best you can with the unresolved intimacy to which you are still linked.

Its been much of like dealing with a death. But then Ill get suttle reminders that I might someday run into her on a hiking trail, climbing, a restaurant, or places we used to frequent together. We had such similar interests its not a question of if it will happen, but when. So comes in Stress. The stress of the connection you so much still desire, that your previous partner does not. Stress of how to live daily feeling what you feel. The loss in thought, of something that used to be, that is no more, and all the questions of why? How did it come to this? And Blame. Blaming of self, and of course the other.

To start with, let me acknowledge that if your in pain, if you feel stress, if your reading this identifying, maybe even crying and feeling your own loss, or stress due to some tragedy in your life, you are not alone – WE are not alone.

Allow yourself to feel, love yourself even when you judge yourself, when you judge others or situations. Give yourself permission to think and feel whatever you do, because this will open your heart enough to begin the healing. Think of it literally as a wound, if you ever have had a cut that scabs over, its not a pretty process, healing can look and feel ugly, but underneath that process a wonderful transformation is taking place for me and you.

So lets start with our old paradigm. We tend to tell ourselves “I would feel better if they would act differently,” or, “If this wouldn’t have happened I would feel different.” This is a victimhood stance that traps us, that how other people act, or what our experience is in any given circumstance, determines the amount of stress we feel. What stress actually is, is a sounding board to tell us how out of alignment we are with the universe, or how much we are grounded in ego.

Peace, contentment, and fulfillment come from what we align with, what energy we are anchoring in. Health, vitality and wholeness come from source, or the Divine, not from how people act in our life. This can be a hard lesson. I know it is with me. Frequently I feel out of sorts with my emotions, not just from this recent loss and how she behaved, but from the environment I live in daily. Over and over again I Am doing a check of alignment in love, feeling the feelings, loving my self through them, observing my reactions in love, allowing myself space, and realigning to the universe.

At our very core we are susceptible to the oneness of everything around us. Other peoples emotions, responses, and energy to the food we eat, the amount of movement in our lives, to what we listen or watch can easily affect our field. What we do with that is what I Am learning. How to use that to realign, rather than get tossed about by the waves of existence on some cosmic sea. To be a participant, rather than taking everything on as my own, constantly trying to rearrange the sea to try to make things “better.”

A good indicator of how we handle energy, or what comes to us is how personal we take things. We live in a world where there are billions of unique expressions of the Divine, and for me to think everyone of those expressions acts and thinks as I do, and or should, is crazy. But at the same time, all of those expressions are here to help me. To be mirrors, flashes of light for my greater spiritual evolution.

So I’m learning to integrate the Divine in me more fully for life’s journey. To listen to the universe, the one, in its various aspects of male, female, dark and light, to work through me for my highest destiny and expression of the Divine in me. To align with that which is working in and around, flowing with universe, rather than trying to buck the current. Letting go of clinging, and control, through loving embrace to the fact that I can cling.

So what it comes down to, is the belief that stress, pain or dissatisfaction comes from others, it is an illusion. If I believe my contentment, fulfillment or peace comes from others, it is also an illusion. There has to be a shift in perception. So for us to shift, we first need to acknowledge we don’t know how to shift. If were working with what we came with, we wont get very far, but if we open up to the idea of oneness, or that the universe is working for us, we don’t have to fight against it, and we can ask the universe for help.

We don’t have to try to figure things out. We just have to trust in the much larger version of us than what we’ve been working with. Its like I’ve been the pinky trying to do all the work of the body. I don’t, I cant, we can’t and aren’t meant to do it alone. Loving ourselves is a much larger job than the pinky can handle – it might give its best effort for a while, but eventually, well its only one part of the equation for wholeness. And the rest of the body, well it kind of looks on in compassion saying, “doesn’t he realize he cant do all that lifting on his own?”

So its not about us “getting out of the way,” its about us asking for help, embracing the realization we are not here to do the ride our self. The Divine is in us as a unique expression, why would we not ask us for help through an entire universe at our means?

“Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.”

Everything that comes our way, is here to help, to love, to birth us out of ego based living and into self-realization of who we truly are. Not who we are becoming, who we already are. Its a process. We have layer upon layer of infinite realization, why not enjoy the process rather than fight against it? Why not give ourselves relief, such wonderful compassion to all the help available, and align with the current? Give ourselves over to our own love, our Divine manifestation, and allow the universe to drawn in exactly what we need. Place us exactly where we should be. And we will know if we are aligned by how we feel. If we feel satisfied, content, at peace: we are aligned. Stressed, we are not. So writing this once again has helped me. Sharing, knowing Im not alone, and receiving your emails, and correspondence has been wonderful.

Thank you so much for helping me.

I acknowledge your pain.

We are not alone. We are loved. Lets ask for help today from our greater selves, and remember not to lift to much with the pinky, when we have the whole body here to help and guide us into our greatest spiritual destiny and highest evolution.

I love you,
James

 

 

 

Everyone has to start Somewhere, why not here, now?

So, I’m writing…my first blog as a big smile sweeps an often tear trailed face.

Where do I start?

Well, I guess Ill put some things out there to peak your interest and remember mine. Why I’m doing this. I’ve seen some pretty strange things over my years, heard some pretty strange things, and much of them, well I denied because of fear.

Really I just wanted to be happy, maybe “comfortable” would be a better word. I don’t want to sound like your typical fly by night medium, or small change magician on a street corner, most folks like that years ago I wouldn’t have given a second thought, I just assumed it was a trick, a gimmick, and none of it was real. I remember wanting to believe, in love, in magic, in energy and all its mysterious qualities of connection, and I wasn’t so sarcastic or judgmental, until the pain came. And the wall building began. The delusion. The running, excuses, lies, and fantasies. All the things we do and tell ourselves to be comfortable, until the “comfort” turns cold, and we are left standing there plugging holes in the wall we’ve built as reality gushes through.

And then one day the wall breaks.

Hopefully, it does so completely and without reservation.

I wish that for you, for me. I wish that it is with so much devastation, heartache and tragedy that we can not rebuild it. That we are ushered into love, into our pain. That we come to know what we have been looking for all our lives.

All I know is that now it is real. The universe loved me enough to crush my fantasies, delusions, all that I had built to be comfortable, but not safe. Pain is just the learning curve, and the old paradigm is being destroyed as evolution takes place, “birth.”

Looking back, I never pictured to meet the Angels I did, as smokers, drinkers, or even going to the dark places I would sometimes venture in my youth, but now it makes much more sense. I was in a dark place, and the universe was still there, still trying to reach me, wake me up, love me.

Now its more about loving and embracing those places inside of me, allowing myself to feel them, love me while I judge them, observe me while I think the things I do, and spend time with what arises. Pain? Oh yea. I’m not sure I’ve had a day this past month where it hasn’t been a welcomed guest in my home. If I could have, I would have stepped right back into my delusions if the universe would have allowed that for a moments relief. Even now, I miss dearly my mate, my mother, my income, the friendships, my dog, all the things that were removed from me fro me to be with me. To learn to “love” me. My mind tries to find a way to reopen doors, just for a moments touch, but I bargained for years, cried mercy, and received it, got my way on so much, and now, that’s just not going to cut it. Something, or someone, maybe the greater me, or you, God, the universe, something loves me enough to be with me, withhold from me, give me this space.

Now I’m really doing this, Im really here, Im really in this body, and I’m apart of the movie. I Am being birthed into the kingdom.

I cried for so long, ached for so long about a great many things, and here it is. It’s really happening and this time there is no bargaining. The universe loves me to much for me to just “let this go.” No, it’s screaming “Embrace! Embrace!”

Its happening whether I want it too or not.

And suicide, homicide, criminal activity, the monsters of escape are no joke either. I see it all the time. Sometimes I think it. But then I realize how much pain there is, and something did reach me thank God. Validation that yes, I’m blessed beyond measure. And although Im uncomfortable and in pain, that there’s a purpose beyond the madness of how I feel sometimes – that its not just me, ALOT of people are going through this and aren’t even aware of whats happening.

Maybe I’m writing right now sharing this, so I know I’m not alone, and neither are you.

We just want to feel better. To feel safe, loved.

Its coming. We will. Trust. Have faith. Let the universe guide. It will work out. Your not crazy and neither am I. Don’t buy into the quick fix. Feel. Love every aspect of who you are, and then love others. Thank them. Bless them. Wish everyone more love today than they had yesterday.

I acknowledge your pain.

Thank you for helping me.

I love you.

You are not alone.

Blessings to your heart and mine, James.